Squirting and orgasm: they are not the same thing
There is something I often come across when we talk about sexuality and pleasure: many people believe that if a woman does not squirt, her orgasm is not complete or that perhaps she is not enjoying herself enough.
And here I want to make an important clarification: squirting and orgasm are different phenomena.
Squirting is the expulsion of fluid that can occur during sexual activity. Some people experience it and others do not. It can appear during arousal or coincide with orgasm, but not squirting does not mean experiencing less pleasure or having a lower capacity for orgasm.
After so many years working as a Sex Coach, I believe it is important to stop turning these bodily responses into a kind of test.
Sometimes people ask me: “Why don’t I squirt?”
And my answer is simple: why should you?
Every body responds differently. Some people experience squirting and find it pleasurable; others never experience it and have a completely satisfying sex life.
It is also important to distinguish between squirting, female ejaculation and lubrication. Although we often use these words as if they meant the same thing, they do not necessarily describe the same bodily phenomenon.
And I think there is a lot we need to learn here. For years, we have received information about sexuality based on expectations, myths and, in many cases, on what we see in pornography.
We can end up thinking that the more fluid there is, the more pleasure there must be. But pleasure is not measured in millilitres.
Nor is it measured by the intensity of a reaction, the length of a sexual encounter or by achieving certain results.
For me, sexuality has much more to do with feeling, discovering, listening to your body and taking the pressure off.
You can have an orgasm without squirting. You can experience squirting without having an orgasm at that moment. And you can also enjoy a sexual experience immensely without reaching orgasm.
That is why, when we talk about sexual pleasure, I prefer that we change the question.
Instead of asking ourselves “why can’t I squirt?”, perhaps it would be much more interesting to ask ourselves:
What do I like? What do I feel? What do I desire? What gives me pleasure?
That is where, for me, true sexual self-knowledge begins.
And this is precisely one of the things I most enjoy working on as a Cris Blas Sex Coach: helping people get to know their bodies better, understand their sexuality and explore pleasure through information, curiosity and freedom, without judgement or pressure.
As I also explain in my article “Are You a Sexophile or a Sexophobe? What Your Relationship With Sex May Reveal About Your Pleasure”, for me there is an important difference between having sexual experiences and truly knowing our pleasure.
Because in the end, your body does not have to prove anything to anyone for your pleasure to be real.
Squirting can be part of some people’s sexuality, but it should never become an obligation, a goal or a measure of how much you enjoy yourself.
Know your body. Listen to your sensations. Explore your pleasure. And let your sexuality be yours.
— Cris Blas, Sex Coach
