I have been working in the field of sexuality for more than fifteen years, and there is one question I find myself asking more and more: where are the women?
Many men write to me because they want to learn, experiment and discover new ways of experiencing their pleasure. I have also worked with couples. But there are very few women who seek to better understand their own body and their female sexuality.
Perhaps it still feels strange to think: “I want to learn about my own female pleasure and I am going to seek help to do it.” Yet we learn how to take care of our bodies with personal trainers, physiotherapists or yoga teachers, but we rarely think about learning more about our own sexuality.
Sex education also plays a role
For generations, men and women have received very different forms of sex education. Men have often been taught to seek, explore and experiment. Women, on the other hand, have often been taught to please, to wait and not to express too much desire.
Perhaps what many women have simply needed is permission:
Permission to be curious.
Permission to masturbate.
Permission to explore.
Permission to talk about sexuality.
Permission to seek pleasure.
Female pleasure should not be a mystery or something secondary. Sexuality is something we can learn about too.
The female orgasm is not just a biological issue
Studies show differences in the frequency of the female orgasm across different contexts and types of relationships. This invites us to reflect on how much learning, communication and knowledge of our own bodies can influence our experience.
Perhaps part of what we call female difficulty is actually a matter of sex education and a lack of exploration.
Sex toys are tools
Sex toys do not mean that the body works less effectively. They are simply tools that can help us discover new sensations, explore our bodies and expand the possibilities of pleasure.
The goal is not to reach orgasm in one particular way, but to discover all the ways in which our bodies can experience pleasure.
Sexual experience does not always mean sexual learning
You can have been having sex for many years and still not really know your own body.
Sexual experience and sexual learning are not necessarily the same thing.
Getting to know your own body, learning how to communicate what you like and understanding how your pleasure responds requires observation, curiosity and learning.
My work as a Sex Coach Practitioner
I describe myself as an Organic Sex Coach and Practical Sex Coach because much of my knowledge comes from experience, observation and thousands of hours spent working with real people.
I am neither a doctor nor a psychologist. My work is somewhere else: supporting individuals and couples in getting to know their bodies, their sexuality and their pleasure better.
A woman does not need to be attracted to me in order to work with me. Just as you do not need to be attracted to the person teaching you yoga or Pilates to learn how to use your body.
You are the subject of study.
Your body.
Your pleasure.
Your desire.
Your sexuality.
Sexuality is something we can learn
I do not want to tell you what your sexuality should be like. I want to help you discover your own.
The body changes. We change. And we can continue discovering our female pleasure throughout our lives.
Because if, for generations, we have learned that getting to know our own pleasure was not that important, we can also learn exactly the opposite:
Our pleasure deserves time, curiosity, learning and experience.
— Cris Blas Sex Coach · Practical Sex Coach
