Today I turned down a session. Not because there wasn’t a connection, and not because he was disrespectful. In fact, he was quite polite. I turned it down for something much simpler: because he wanted me to be someone I’m not.
It started the way it usually does: “I’d like you to receive me freshly showered, shaved, with makeup, wearing heels…” And when I told him that I don’t work like that, that I’m natural, without makeup, without heels, without playing any role… he said: “It’s a fantasy I have.” Of course. And that’s exactly the point.
The fantasy itself isn’t the problem. We all have fantasies. The problem is when you believe the other person is there to fulfil them. Without questioning. Without limits. Without their own identity. As if paying meant deciding.
At what point did this start working like that? You don’t go to a restaurant and tell the chef how to dress while cooking. You don’t go to a therapist and tell them how they should speak to you.
But in this line of work… You do. Here, it seems like anything goes. Like you can shape the other person however you want. And no.
I don’t perform. I say it clearly: I don’t do fantasies. I don’t act. I don’t dress up. I work with real sex. The kind that starts inside. That subtle sensation that rises… and turns into a real orgasm. Not a performed one.
When I explained all this… do you know what happened? He didn’t insist. He didn’t push. He didn’t get angry. On the contrary. He apologized. He told me he hadn’t read my blog. That he understood my boundaries. That he respected the way I work.
So… where’s the problem? The problem isn’t him. The problem is everything he learned before getting to me. Because that idea of a woman — in heels, made-up, perfect, available, adaptable — doesn’t come from nowhere. It has been built over years. We’ve been taught a kind of sex that isn’t real: a visual sex, a performative sex, a sex made to be watched, not felt. And then what happens… happens: when someone offers something different, it clashes.
And here each woman decides. Because I also want to make this clear: we don’t all work the same way. And that’s fine. But I don’t.
I could have accepted. Worn the heels. Put on makeup. Played his fantasy. And get paid. But then I wouldn’t be me. And for me, that’s more expensive than any session.
I’m not for everyone, and that’s not a problem. That’s exactly what I want.
If you’re looking for fantasy, there are many options. If you’re looking for something real… then yes.
And the best part: the conversation ended well. With respect, with education, without pressure. But there was no meeting. And even if sometimes I don’t understand it, there are still people who choose something physical over a real experience. I’m not there.
I’d rather lose a client than have to disguise myself and not be 100% myself in my work.
